


you might think you've caught her (but you've blown your only shot)

by chahakyn



Series: something you keep behind your teeth [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Character Death, Dark!Vanya, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Episode: s02e09 743, Gen, No Incest, Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:20:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26711341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chahakyn/pseuds/chahakyn
Summary: “Dad couldn’t handle your anger. That doesn’t mean you can’t,” Ben says imploringly.Vanya steps toward him slowly, the desperation in his eyes pushing her forward until her nose is only inches from his.“Maybe,” she says lowly, “I was never supposed to handle my anger in the first place.”-Vanya emerges from the FBI’s interrogation a different person.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy & Vanya Hargreeves
Series: something you keep behind your teeth [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1974874
Comments: 12
Kudos: 78





	you might think you've caught her (but you've blown your only shot)

**Author's Note:**

> vanya can be a little evil, as a treat
> 
> but in all seriousness, please heed the warnings to this fic before reading! thank you!
> 
> fic title is from [ Danger Angel](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Bu5HGWSZpQ) by Larkin Poe (which is such a stellar song that i listened to nonstop while writing this fic)

“Vanya.”

Vanya jolts at the almost familiar voice, her fingers trembling against the cold marble floor.

“Do you remember me?”

Vanya’s gaze meets the warm brown eyes of the man crouched in front of her; a lance of pain shoots through her skull. Memories flit about rapidly in her mind, too fast to register until she manages to snatch one.

Ben. It’s _Ben_.

And then suddenly, everything comes crashing down on her. Vanya recoils, clutching her arms as she braces herself against the pain pummeling her mind. The Academy, orchestra, Dad’s death, Leonard, Allison, the moon—

She chokes on a sob. Oh, God. How could she have done all _that_?

“I remember everything,” Vanya says shakily. “And I’m doing it again, aren’t I?” She presses her fingers to her mouth, tears dripping down her cheeks uncontrollably. “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I control myself like the rest of you guys?”

Vanya wraps her arms around her legs, tapping the back of her head against the pillar behind as she sobs helplessly. Ben pulls himself closer to Vanya, movements cautious.

“It’s not too late,” he murmurs, placing his hand over hers. “You can go back, there’s still time.”

Vanya shakes her head. “I can’t. I’ve killed people. I almost destroyed the _world_. I’m too big of a problem.”

Ben makes an indignant noise at this, grip tightening for a moment. He nudges her fingers, tangling them with his.

“Vanya, Dad treated you like a bomb before you ever were one. He drugged you, kept you numb for _years_.”

“And look where that got me,” Vanya says with a humorless laugh. She looks up at Ben. “Maybe it wasn’t him. Maybe it was me all along.”

“No, it was Dad. What he did was messed you, and it messed you up.”

“Can you prove it?” Vanya asks, a sudden hard edge to her voice. Ben jolts, eyes wide.

“Wh—what?”

“Can you prove me to that all _this_ ,” Vanya dislodges Ben’s hand as she waves at everything around them. “All this was because of what Dad did to me?”

“Vanya—”

“Maybe it wasn’t him. Maybe I’m just a monster after all,” she says, deflated. Ben leans closer, gripping her shoulders with his hands.

“You’re not a monster. You’re my _sister_ ,” he says frantically, eyes darting about her face.

Vanya returns his gaze, looking into his eyes. She wants so _badly_ to believe Ben, for his words to ring true. But he looks…unsure. And that says more than anything that’s come out of his mouth.

“That doesn’t mean anything. I can be both!” Vanya dislodges his grip, slipping free before staggering to her feet. “I can be anything and you wouldn’t even understand! Nobody would because they don’t _care_!”

“Our siblings are risking everything out there trying to save you!” Ben says, stepping closer. Vanya shakes her head as she leans heavily against the pillar.

“ _Save_ me? They’re not trying to save me!” She straightens, jabbing her finger into his chest. “They’re out their fighting because they’re afraid of losing what they love. I’m just an obstacle that’s stopping them from living their lives!”

“That’s not true!” Ben snaps, his face twisted into the angriest expression she’s ever seen. “We care about you. You aren’t alone at the table anymore, Vanya!”

“I’ve _always_ been alone at the table, Ben! That’s never going to change!” Vanya screams, planting her hands against Ben’s chest and shoving. He staggers back, breathing heavily as he looks at her with wide eyes.

He’s afraid. _Good_. He should be.

Ben makes a desperate attempt to school his expression, holding his hand out at her as if trying to calm a wild animal. They both watch as small patches of his body begin to disappear in whirls of blue light.

“Vanya,” he begs, “you have a right to be pissed off and sad and messed up, but it’s a shitty world full of shitty people! That’s just how it will always be!”

Vanya steps forward menacingly, watching with grim satisfaction as more and more of Ben disintegrates.

“Well if it’s as shitty as you say, it won’t be a problem if I add myself to the mix. I fit right in.”

“That’s not true, Vanya!” He reaches for her, gasping as his hand passes through her body. He recoils, cradling his fragmented hand against his chest as he looks at her.

“Dad couldn’t handle your anger. That doesn’t mean you can’t,” Ben says imploringly.

Vanya steps toward him slowly, the desperation in his eyes pushing her forward until her nose is only inches from his.

“Maybe,” she says lowly, “I was never supposed to handle my anger in the first place.”

She pulls away, relishing the horrified look he gives her as the last of corporeal figure flutters away in a glimmer of blue light. And then there’s nothing. He’s well and truly gone and she’s alone again. And instead of the sorrow she knows she should be experiencing, all she feels is _rage_.

How dare he try to hold her back? How dare he tell her what she can and can’t be as if he’s lived her life, experienced the hardships she’s gone through? He knew nothing. They all know nothing, trying to bottle her up, keep her contained.

Her siblings may have different faces, different personalities; they may be gentler, holding her hand and declaring their love for her no matter what. But at the end of it all, they’re just like Dad. They don’t understand, and they’re _afraid_.

And it’s not fair. It’s never been fair. It’s not her fault she was made this way, with the potential to destroy the world. It’s even less of her fault that life has shaped her into an uncontrollable beast. Vanya deserves to break out. She deserves to _live_ , even if she’s dangerous.

And…that’s just it, isn’t it? She deserves to be herself. Over 30 years of her life, and all Vanya has managed to live is a facsimile of what everyone else has. While they got to grow and change and be human, Vanya was held back, caged up in a sickly cycle of pills and being dull and plain and hideously _ordinary_.

But she’s not ordinary; she never has been. And now she has the capability to explore that, to actually let herself be free. Fuck what everyone else thinks, she deserves that!

Vanya walks aimlessly through the empty halls of the manor inside her mind, the slap of her bare feet echoing against the frigid stone floor. It’s all beginning to fade, the cocoon around her mind cracking now that there’s no need to contain her, protect her. She’s breaking the heavy chains that have always weighed her down, exposing herself as who she’s always been. And _nobody_ can stop her.

She smiles, closing her eyes as she feels the ceiling begin to crumble, chunks of it falling around her in a thunderous roar.

And then, suddenly, silence. The cool, stale air of the manor vanishes.

It all comes back to her in a rush, the tightness of the restraints around her wrists and ankles and head. The wet slide of her feet in the metal basin. Vanya opens her eyes and looks down, scoffing. How weak.

The restraints fall away with a mere tug, and Vanya bursts out of the room. Debris rains down around her as she rises up into the sky, weightless and free. The wind whips in her face, the sun beats down on her skin and it’s _glorious_.

Vanya closes her eyes, relishing the feeling of freedom singing in her veins. It feels so right, the low hum of energy drowning out nearly everything around her. It envelopes her, the most comforting embrace Vanya has ever felt, smothering her in security so thoroughly that she can barely hear the yelling of people on the ground below her.

But she can. And it’s loud enough to be annoying.

Vanya cracks an eye open, glancing down to watch people hurry away as fast as their legs can carry them. How amusing. She sweeps her hand carelessly to the side, watching as a wave of blue energy bowls people over in its path.

“Vanya!”

She turns, letting herself float closer to the ground. The familiar image of her siblings focuses in her vision; Allison, Diego and Klaus all lined up in a row, staring at her in awe and fear as she descends from the sky. Vanya can feel her lips curl into a smile.

Just who she wanted to see.

“She’s doing it again,” Diego yells over the noise of Vanya’s abilities, sound weaving seamlessly with the hot, dry Dallas air.

“What am I doing again?” Vanya asks with an innocent tilt of her head. Diego bares his teeth in a snarl, fingering the hilt of a knife.

“Destroying the fucking world!”

“I guess that’s bad, isn’t it,” Vanya muses.

Diego snarls. “It _is_.” His hand shoots out, knife slipping out of his fingers with ease as flies towards Vanya’s heart. Her finger twitches, and she watches as the knife veers to left before embedding itself into a tree.

“Try harder,” Vanya says, amused.

Diego lets out an angry roar, throwing knives at her without abandon. Vanya stops them all with a languid wave of her hand, letting them hover midair.

“I think that’s enough,” she says calmly, flicking her wrist. The knives twist midair, hovering breathlessly for a moment before they shoot forward. They sink in Diego’s chest in quick succession, one by one by one.

He staggers back at the momentum, looking up at Vanya in wonder. He manages a breathless laugh, disbelieving as he falls backward, landing with a rough thump on the hard concrete.

“Diego!”

They rush to his side, Klaus cupping Diego’s face with his hands as Allison’s hands flutter helplessly over Diego’s chest.

“Vanya, you don’t have to do this! You’re—I _know_ you’re better than this!” Allison screams, her hands fisted in Diego’s shirt, fingers staining rapidly with blood.

“Am I?” Vanya scoffs, shaking her head. “You never really understood me. And you never will.”

“I don’t have to to know that I love you!” Allison squints up at Vanya, tears tracking down her cheeks. Vanya’s hands curl into fists as the wind whirls around them even faster.

“That doesn’t mean anything!” Vanya shrieks, jaw set in anger. “You’ve never truly known me! How could you possibly _love_ me?”

Allison rises to her feet, fire burning in her eyes past the tears.

“Love is weird like that. It doesn’t change how I feel.”

Vanya’s eyes narrow as Allison takes a step forward. She has that glint in her eye, the set of her shoulders and curl of her hands a familiar tell.

Vanya’s mind flashes back to the cabin, the fear she felt as Allison cornered her, tried to wipe her memory clean her silly little words. The conflicting set of feelings swirling in Vanya’s bones settles on pure, unadulterated _fury_.

“You’d try it again?” Vanya growls. Her nails dig deep into the skin of her palms.

“I don’t wanna do it,” Allison says softly enough that Vanya barely catches it. But she does, and Vanya lets out a disbelieving laugh.

“Do you _really_? You know what’s going to happen.”

“I heard—"

Vanya’s arm cuts through the air in a heartbeat, a motion unbearably familiar save for the missing bow. Allison freezes, and Vanya watches impassively as the line of Allison’s throat opens, blood blooming eagerly from the cut.

Vanya tilts her head. “I guess you don’t really know me. Do you?”

Allison falls to her knees, unheeding of Klaus’s cry as her hand reaches out desperately to Vanya, eyes wide with fear and pain. Blood pools on the pavement where she falls, staining the front of her shirt as her fingers twitch helplessly. Her heartbeat weakens with every second in Vanya’s ears.

And Vanya can’t help but feel a vindictive sense of pleasure as she takes it all in. It’s grim, but this is who Vanya is. Shy, quiet, useless Vanya. How the tables have turned.

“Allison!”

Vanya turns in the air, eyes widening as Luther coming barreling down the grassy hill, gaze focused intensely on Allison’s body lying motionless on the ground. He falls to her side, turning Allison’s body over in his huge, hideous arms.

“Klaus, what do we do?”

“I don’t know, I don’t know!” Klaus pulls desperately as his hair, looking up at Vanya. “Please, Vanya. We don’t have to do this anymore. ”

Luther looks up, shading his eyes against the sun before his gaze lands on Vanya.

“Vanya—"

“ _You_.” Vanya raises her hand, fingers curling into a tight fist. Luther gasps, hands flailing as he rises into the air, the heavy heat of Vanya’s anger grasping him by the throat. “I have you to thank for all of this, don’t I?”

“You—”

“If you hadn’t been so quick to hurt me, we might have been able to avoid all of this.” Vanya gives him a thoughtful smile, a hint of teeth showing. She can feel Luther shiver. “This is all because of you.”

“It isn’t. It’s _you_ ,” he spits out, eyes narrowed in pure hatred. His hands paw uselessly at his own throat. “You’re the bomb, you’re the…the reason we can’t live— _ah_ —normally no matter where we go.”

“You can keep telling yourself that, but I’ve already made peace with this.” Vanya gestures at herself. “This is who I am. And if you don’t agree with that, all that’s left to fix is _you_.”

“You couldn’t fix me if you tried,” Luther spits, an anger like she’s never seen in her life crossing his face. Vanya grits her teeth. Two can play that game.

“Trust me. I’m not trying.”

She raises her hand, curling her fingers and twisting them sharply. Luther jolts, eyes widening as he clutches his own neck. His mouth opens and closes soundlessly as she increases the pressure, the panicked sound of his heartbeat louder and louder in her ears. Vanya floats closer until she’s inches away from him, tilting her head thoughtfully.

“How does it feel to be the _weak_ one for once?”

She watches in satisfaction as his eyes bulge, skin paling and lips turning blue. Tighter and tighter and _tighter_ until—

He slumps, hands falling limply to his side, head lolling on his shoulders. Vanya lets go, watching his body fall. The concrete cracks beneath his body as he lands, molding around him like his own personal crater. Fitting, for the man who once lived on the moon.

Vanya glances up as she hears a muffled gasp. Klaus scrambles backwards as their gazes meet, stumbling over debris. He lands hard on his back, still trying to back away as she floats down closer to him.

“Vanny, please,” Klaus says softly, pain evident in his face as he looks at her. Vanya feels the first twinge of regret in her heart and sighs.

“Goodbye, Klaus.”

She tugs at the energy around her, pushing it back out in a wave that slams Klaus against a nearby wall. He drops like a rag doll, the drag of his head against stone leaving a deep crimson mark behind.

“No! Vanya!”

The familiar voice causes her spine to stiffen, eyes narrowing. A grim determination sweeps through Vanya’s bones as she turns, gaze landing on her only remaining family member.

He’s _always_ the last one standing, isn’t he?

“Five.”

He sweeps his gaze over the bodies of their dead siblings, eyes stuttering closed as he breathes shakily. It’s probably worse than what he saw when he jumped forward to 2019. Vanya had been the killer that time too, but it had been uncontrolled, angry, chaotic.

But now she’s much more powerful. And this time, well, she has control. She made it even more personal and it shows. And now they both know that she has to finish him off, just as she did to the others. Vanya’s heart burns in an agonizing pain, but she pushes the feeling down. She needs to do this; this is who she _is_.

There’s no other way.

“Shit,” Five hisses, blinking away from the sweep of energy she directs towards him. He warps to her left, calling out to her. “Vanya, what the _hell_ are you doing?”

His posture is tense as he regards her with a keen eye and open suspicion. The stance is a familiar one; he’s sizing her up. If she were younger, she’d be more afraid. Five is lethal, always has been, able to look at people and turn them inside out in his mind’s eye before tearing them apart with his bare hands. She knows this well.

But Vanya isn’t a young girl anymore. She knows her worth and she isn’t afraid. And that’s her most important advantage in this fight.

“Doing what I’m best at,” she answers easily, giving him an elegant little shrug. His eyes nearly bug out of his skull as he glances back at the dead bodies of his siblings.

“Killing your family? _Our_ family?” His voice cracks, and Vanya feels some of the anger within her fade. She’s always has a soft spot for Five, the only sibling who actually treated her like someone before she gained her abilities. It’s a shame he probably only did so because he thought she was ordinary. Plain and unassuming, thus a non-threat, in his eyes. How cruel of him.

“I’m a monster. You’ve all treated me like a monster and I’m tired of fighting it,” Vanya says, hands falling limply to her sides. “I want to just live, Five. What else am I supposed to do?”

Five doesn’t deign her question with a response, which is telling in itself. Oh well. It was mostly rhetorical. She raises her hand, harnessing the humming power around her before flicking her wrist.

“Wh—what about your friends?” He stammers out instead, managing to dodge the half-hearted tendril of energy she shoots his way. “Sissy. And Harlan?”

“Sissy.” Vanya’s gaze softens marginally, shoulder slumping. “That was a mistake. It shouldn’t have happened, I…I thought I could be normal. If I was with her. But I was wrong.”

“But what if you weren’t?”

“Don’t you get it? I’m not _normal_.” Vanya gestures at herself. “I can’t even get my own supernatural family to accept me. Do you really think Sissy would be any different?”

“You can’t say for sure,” Five says lowly, vanishing in a flash of blue. Vanya tilts her head, smiling as she feels the slightest disturbance behind her, sound waves amplifying his movement until it’s practically a beacon screaming at her to rectify his mistake, teach him a lesson.

“Can’t I?” Vanya turns, expertly catching Five by the throat. He gasps, hands reaching up to grip her wrist.

Vanya feels a familiar ache in her hands, and she knows now, deep in her bones, it’s her soul itching for the familiar feeling of a bow in her grip. This kind of killing, a crushing force with her bare hands, feels so pedestrian. Too much like Luther.

Vanya wrinkles her nose. She longs for the steady weight of her violin, a comfort, a shield, a _weapon_. She’d like nothing more than to raise her bow, slash it through the air and cut open the throat of her favorite sibling. Watch the blood spill out and the life fade from his eyes. Finish the Umbrella Academy once and for all.

But, alas. No bow, no weapon. Nothing left to do but to do it the messy way.

“Vanya, please… Don’t.”

“Why shouldn’t I? You left us. You left _me_ ,” she says to him, flexing her fingers against his skin. Five swallows haltingly, Adam’s apple bobbing.

“I tried to co—come back, Vanya,” he chokes out, legs kicking as he looks at her with frantic eyes. “You have, have no idea how… _hard_ I tried.”

“It doesn’t matter how hard you tried,” Vanya says quietly. “You. Weren’t. Here.” Her grip tightens marginally, punctuating every word.

“Vanya,” Five gasps. He grits his teeth, suddenly digging his nails into her skin and _tearing_.

Vanya shrieks in pain. Her grip loosens enough that Five manages to pull himself away. He blinks away in an instant before reappearing, landing on the dusty concrete with a deep, heaving cough.

“I’ve been thinking,” Vanya says, floating closer Five, wheezing helplessly on the floor. “The second you left, you set the apocalypse into motion. Both of them.” Vanya’s toes gently touch the ground, her hair floating eerily about her as she regards him thoughtfully. “I’m the bomb. But _you_ were the fuse.”

Five looks up, taking deep breaths as manages to push himself to his knees.

“I’ve…considered that,” he says hoarsely.

Vanya gives him an empty smile. “So, if I’m like this…What does that say about _you_?”

Five laughs gruffly, shaking his head as he wipes the back of his mouth with his hand.

“It means that I still have a chance to stop the detonation.” He vanishes suddenly, reappearing quickly enough to surprise Vanya. She freezes as she feels the cool press of a gun to the underside of her jaw. Five’s gaze pins her in place, eyes even colder.

“You make one wrong move and I’m pulling us into the future,” he growls. Vanya’s gaze darts quickly about Five’s face before settling. She laughs softly.

“You would do that. But how can you be so sure you’ll reach the future?” She cocks a brow at him. “Every time you jump it’s a gamble.”

“I don’t need it to be precise,” Five snaps. “I just need it to be far enough in the future that we’re in aftermath of an apocalypse. Any apocalypse, I don’t care.”

Vanya’s eyes widen. “You’d do that? Put yourself in the future and live through all that _again_?”

“Yes,” Five says through gritted teeth. “I’ll do it again if it means I have even the smallest chance of saving the world. Of saving you.”

“I don’t need any saving,” Vanya spits out, eyes narrowed in fury.

“No, you don’t,” Five agrees slowly, giving her a considering look. “But do you deserve better than what we’ve given you. What we’ve done to you.” He takes a deep breath, touching his fingers to Vanya’s cheek.

“I want to change that. I want to try again, we,” Five gestures back to the bodies of their siblings, expression tightening as he does so, “We need to try again. To do right by you.”

“It won’t ever work. Even if you can somehow reverse all of this, they won’t change,” Vanya says quietly, giving Five a sad smile. “I’ll always be a monster. Especially to them. I can’t do it.”

Five’s eyes widen as he feels a rise in the familiar hum of energy around them, the vibrations making the hair at the back of his neck stand on edge. He presses the gun harder into her jaw, expression desperate.

Vanya can feel sparks of energy coalescing around his hands, power shifting and growing as he prepares to jump, to pull them both forward at a moment’s notice.

Vanya thinks suddenly of their standoff mere days ago (has it really been days? It feels like years), remembering her anger, so weak compared to the rage simmering inside her now; the hard set of Five’s jaw as he growled at her,

“Do not _test_ me, Vanya.”

Vanya feels the strangest sense of _déjà_ vu, looking into his eyes now. It’s all nearly the same. Except, where there had been fury in Five’s eyes, now there is only a quiet distress. She’s never seen this side of him before and, to be quite frank, it _scares_ her.

“Vanya, don’t do it,” he murmurs.

“What can I do instead? Tell me,” Vanya pleads, voice shaking as she grabs his wrist. “What can someone like me possibly do with all this power?”

“Be strong. Stop the destruction, let me help you figure it all out.” Five grips her shoulder. “We can work something out. Please.”

Vanya looks at him, so achingly vulnerable, and Five suddenly feels as though he’s seeing the Vanya he knew before he jumped into the future, before they all grew up. Young and mistreated; lost and unsure. He watches helplessly as Vanya’s lower lip trembles.

“Can we?” She asks softly, breathless with fear. Five presses his thumb gently against her jaw. She can feel a tremor run through his hand.

“We _will_. It’ll work, Vanya. I’ll be right here with you.”

Vanya closes her eyes. A single tear rolls down her cheek, tracking a sharp trail down her pale skin.

\---

[Plano, TX]

An alarm suddenly sounds as the sonar system catches a sudden spike in energy. The screen flickers, and a man gasps, gaze darting towards the neighboring seismograph. The needle stutters, shakily recording dips and curves of movement.

“Ain’t that from Dallas?” The man mutters to himself, glancing up as his coworkers rush to the windows. They stare in awe, watching as a bright flash of blue appears, growing in size for a moment before disappearing as fast as it came.

And then, everything is still.

**Author's Note:**

> was it vanya destroying five? was it five blinking them forward to the future? was it five turning back time to bring the siblings back to life? we’ll never know!
> 
> come find me on [ tumblr](https://shizuoi.tumblr.com/) if you want to chat!


End file.
